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Knight Pierce Hirst's Articles in Humor

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  • Does Success Make You Successful?
    If you're trying to find success, it helps to know where to look.
  • What Did Your Mother Tell You?
    We give our children the best advice we can. It sounds familiar because we heard it from our mothers.
  • What Topics Are In For Being Stressed-Out?
    Stress is defined as mental or physical tension. Unfortunately, what causes stress isn't as easily defined.
  • Are We Acting Our Age?
    Anti-aging is big business - which makes me wonder if wisdom really does come with age-ing.
  • Does Charity Really Begin At Home?
    Absence may make the heart grow fonder, but charity makes the heart grow fonder of home and lots of other things.
  • Do We Put The Lax In Relaxation?
    Is it just me or is finding a way to relax stressful?
  • Did You Play Rich Man, Poor Man?
    A childhood game looks different from an adult perspective.
  • Is It Later Than You Think?
    Is it just me or are we living in such fast-paced times that it's always later than we think.
  • How Well Do You Know Your Inner Child?
    Although we all have an inner child, not enough of us ask if this child wants to come out and play.
  • Do We Suffer From 1st World Problems?
    In America, the land of plenty, we don't have 3rd world problems. What we have are plenty of 1st world problems.
  • Why Is There So Much His In History?
    Until recent times those who were predominantly MENtioned in history books were men.
  • Should Dieting Be Called "Liveting"?
    The first definition for diet in Webster's Dictionary is "what a person or animal usually eats or drinks". Weight loss isn't mentioned. Doesn't that mean 100% of Americans should be on healthy diets?
  • Is It Murphy's Law Or Me?
    Murphy's Law states that whatever can go wrong will. Although that's a negative outlook on life, there are days when its ring of truth is deafening.
  • Do You Force The Forces Of Motivation
    Maybe it's not love that makes the world go around. Maybe it's motivation.
  • Do You Have Any Saving Graces?
    The Declaration of Independence guarantees us the right to the pursuit of happiness, but the pursuit has made us almost last among developed nations when it comes to saving money.
  • Do Advertisers Put The Ad In Ad Nauseam?
    The purpose of advertisements is to sell products, but sometimes it's hard to buy what the advertisements say.
  • Are All Ideas Created Equal?
    Inventors continually prove that not every idea is a good idea.
  • Who Knew Pyrotechnics Is A Hobby?
    From apple growing to zither playing, listing all the possible hobbies one could have could be a hobby.
  • Don't You Hate Feeling Taken?
    Cleaning solutions that don't remove stains, diet pills that don't burn fat, cars that don't run as good as they look - the only thing worse than feeling taken is feeling taken twice.
  • Is It Really As Good For The Gander?
    In marriage, job and life expectancy, what's good for the goose isn't always the same for the gander.
  • Do Old Sayings Still Mean What They Say?
    An apple a day keeps the doctor away, absence makes the heart grow fonder, don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today - old sayings never die, we just hear them differently.
  • Why Aren't Things What They Seem?
    Computer graphics, special effects in movies, plastic surgery - these are just a few examples of why things aren't always what they seem.
  • Is It To Die For?
    To die for is a frequently used expression. Paradoxically, it's an expression with long life.
  • What's The Lowdown On Dental Hygiene?
    Electric toothbrushes, whitening toothpastes, bacteria-fighting rinses and minted flow - today dental hygiene is a subject you can get your teeth into.
  • Is It Really What It Seems?
    If what you see is what you get, why don't I know if it really is what it seems?
  • Is There Other Than A Mother?
    When a woman becomes a mother, she becomes a jacqueline of all trades.
  • How Changeable Is Change?
    Change affects our lives in many ways. So what's changed?
  • Are You Old Enough To Know Better?
    Aren't people who worry about their age old enough to know better?
  • Are You Holding The Line?
    There are all kinds of lines. Frankly, just thinking about them causes lines in my forehead.
  • Is It Music To Your Ears?
    Music is like frosting on the cake of life. Not everyone likes the same kind of music, but - hard as it os to believe - not everyone likes chocolate cake.
  • What's Your Perspective On Perspective?
    Is it possible for our perspectives to change without us changing?
  • Do You Get What You Pay For?
    When we're disappointed with a purchase, it's hard to believe we got what we paid for. I've gotten some expensive lessons in life.
  • Are You Compulsive Or Just Highly Motivated?
    I don't think I'm compulsive about cleaning my kitchen. Some people think you are what you eat. I just think you are where you eat.
  • Are You Losing Sleep Over It?
    Has lack of sleep become this century's sleeping sickness?
  • How Many Makes A Collection?
    A man is known by the company he keeps - and the things he collects.
  • Is Not Celebrating Birthdays A Birthright?
    Tired of celebrating birthdays? Buy some champagne and confetti and celebrate your very own New Year's Day.
  • Are There More Dinosaurs?
    Plastic is replacing glass; but as it fills our dumps and leaches chemicals into our soil, the convenience of plastic has become a curse. It's changed our lives and soon it will change our language. We'll be wearing eyeplastics and serving beverages in drinking plastics.
  • Can Being Right In Style Go Wrong?
    Part of looking good is thinking you look good. Unfortunately, more of us should look in mirrors. Fad backward is daf.
  • Are They Dreams Or Messages?
    The most common dream is that our teeth are falling out. This dream reflects concern over our appearance or how others see us. These dreams mean we're experiencing a loss of power, a sense of inferiority or a lack of confidence. Maybe this is the most common dream because interpreting it gives us a lot to sink our teeth into.
  • Doesn't Every Litter Bit Still Hurt?
    My grandmother didn't approve of the romance novels I read as a teenager. She called them trash novels. However, she had an even lower opinion of newspapers like the Star and the National Enquirer. She called them bird cage liners.
  • Is Food For Thought Fattening?
    As a child, I was told I had to drink eight glasses of water a day. By third grade I'd figured out that was two quarts. Now experts have changed their minds. We don't have to drink that much water unless we want to float a loan.
  • Does Good Luck Believe In You?
    Some people say you make your own luck. My grandmother disagreed. She said what you make is effort and the more effort you make, the luckier you'll be.
  • Who Invented The Vent?
    From the beginning of time inventions have changed our lives. Take indoor plumbing, for example. If indoor plumbing hadn't been invented, we'd all be outsiders.
  • Do You Know How To Speak Spa-Nish?
    My grandmother said beauty starts within. I hope she meant within the walls of "Spas R Us".
  • Traveler's Checks ... And Balances?
    They say we are what we eat. If we eat what the locals eat when we travel, does that make us locals too?
  • Who Put Decor In Decoration?
    I didn't put up Christmas decorations this year. Because we were going to be away, it seemed like too much work. Instead, I decorated myself with a smile.
  • Do Mortgages Housebreak Us?
    According to my grandmother, a house is a house; but a home is what you make it. Unfortunately, she often followed those profound words with "and you can start by making your bed".
  • Do They Make Electric Security Blankets?
    Every winter my electric blanket was my security blanket. Then a report said I was sleeping under a magnetic field that could make me sick - and that didn't sound like a field of dreams.
  • To The Health With It?
    Getting enough sleep is important for our health. According to the National Sleep Foundation 100,000 car accidents are caused by sleep deprivation every year - but we're not meant to lose sleep worrying about it.
  • When Do Strangers Stop Being Strange?
    My grandmother always told me that I could turn strangers into friends. Well, my grandmother would be proud of me. I turned a stranger into a husband.
  • Do Open Houses Open Minds?
    When I had my first open house, I thought U should be there to answer questions. Not a good idea. Home is where the heart is - and where part of it will stay.
  • Gadgets - Mechanical Or Maniacal Devices?
    Gadgets are a part of progress and I'm trying to progress too. If we can put a man on the moon, why can't we stop clocks from blinking 12:00 after power failures?
  • Does Any Port In A Storm Include Airports?
    No weapons in carry-on luggage - fine; but I've had bruises on my shins that prove wheeled luggage is a weapon. I think wheeled luggage should have directional signals and break lights or airport police should give tickets for moving violations.
  • Can People Be Winterized?
    I'm cold challenged. I used to live in New England. Every winter I dreaded the snow and ice and freezing wind chill factors. I don't understand why people stay there in the winter, but I may have figured out why the Smurfs are blue.
  • What Makes The World Go Around?
    Judging by the line of cars at Starbuck's drive-in window, coffee makes the world go around. Sometimes the line of cars causes traffic problems, but that doesn't seem to bring the police around. Oh - no donuts.
  • Can Errands Be Walked?
    I always have errands to do and there seems to be more every week. Maybe I've read too many books by Stephen King, but I wouldn't be surprised if my errands grew long ears and cotton-ball tails.
  • Do You Watch Out For What's In?
    Because my grandmother wanted to give me what was in style, she gave me what girls in her neighborhood wore. When my grandmother's eyesight started to fail, she went to Plan B. She asked me what I wanted. That's always in fashion.
  • Is Running Late Exercise?
    If the movie "Snow White" were made today, the seven dwarfs wouldn't sing "Whistle While You Work". Instead, Grumpy would have a solo. He'd sing, "Enjoy yourself. It's later than you think".
  • Are We Programmed More Than TV?
    When we're driving and see a red light, we're programmed to stop. Those who don't are programmed to look in their rear-view mirrors for at least twenty seconds.
  • Is Nostalgia A Sugar-Coated Memory?
    Last fall my husband and I took a trip back East. The tress were glowing in shades of yellow, orange and red. As a transplanted New Englander, I started to get nostalgic. Then I heard John say a four-letter word - rake.
  • Is It Advertising Or Adverteasing?
    If it says hardware on a sign, I know tools are sold there. I have no idea what's sold at West Coast Custom. Aren't signs meant to attract customers? If so, some signs needs "custom-er-izing".
  • No Saving Grace?
    According to a recent report, Americans have saved less than they have in seventy-two years. For many Americans save is one of THOSE four-letter words.
  • Was The Hula Hoop An Original Idea?
    A hula hoop is a combination of the hula movement and a hoop. Is that an original idea? Maybe God had the only original idea.
  • Are Compliments Paid Because They're Earned?
    If a compliment is sincere, shouldn't it be spelled complimeant?
  • Will Reading This Make You Lucky?
    When you're out of luck, how did you run out and where do you go to get more?
  • How Many Bad Habits Can A Good Person Have?
    I'm trying to increase my good habits. How am I doing? Not bad.
  • Can Words Pollute The Air?
    What do pesticides, smog, candy and rumors have in common? They all cause pollution.
  • Is Chocolate Milk A Compromise In A Glass?
    Politics is one of the many things that requires compromise. Is that why some of our politicians have been caught in compromising positions?
  • Why Do Alarm Clocks Have To Be Alarming?
    You often hear people say there's something they couldn't do without. Actually, there's a lot of things I'd like to do without.
  • Who Invented Traffic?
    Traffic provides a place for people with no place to go an excuse for not going anywhere.
  • Are You Listed?
    I've reached the age where lists are a necessity. If I don't write things down, I forget them. Of course, this leads to another problem - remembering where I put the lists.
  • Presents Or Presence Of Mind?
    It doesn't surprise me it only takes Santa one year to make presents for all the children in the world. It doesn't surprise me he can deliver all the presents in one night. What surprises me is he asks children what they want. Santa never had any children, did he?
  • Is It A Hobby Or Therapy?
    Hobbies are meant to turn free time into productive pastimes. Some people collect coins. Others collect stamps. I'm going to collect time for a new hobby.
  • Who Knew Toothsome Meant Tasty?
    My grandmother used to say if you take your teeth for granted, you won't be taking them with you.
  • Want Your Picture Taken Or Returned?
    Some people are photogenic. I'm not one of them. When it comes to cameras, I want to be out of the picture.
  • Who's The Weaker Sex?
    Although women don't play professional football or hit a golf ball as far or hit a tennis ball as hard as men do, I'm not sure women are the weaker sex.
  • What's Good About Good Nutrition?
    I don't think an apple a day keeps the doctor away. However, I'd eat an apple every day if I didn't have to wait to see the doctor.
  • Who Ordered The Mail Order Catalogs?
    I didn't order the carving set that looked like drumsticks from a kitchen catalog and I didn't order the curried almond stuffing mix from a gourmet catalog. When it came to mail order, I'd gone cold turkey - again.
  • Do You Talk To Talk Radio?
    Wouldn't it be nice if teenagers listened to talk radio. Then I could say, "Turn that damn thing up so I can hear myself think".
  • Still Have Growing Pains?
    "Act your age". How many times did you hear that when you were growing up? If you act your age, does that mean you're grown up?
  • Is Hurrying Stressful?
    I identify with the White Rabbit in "Alice In Wonderland". He scurried around yelling, "I'm late, I'm late - for a very important date". I hurry instead of scurry and every day on the calendar is an important date for me.
  • When Is A Makeover Over?
    Having seen the miracles of makeovers on television and in magazines, I decided to have one. Unfortunately (or fortunately, as far as my husband was concerned), life has a way of unmaking makeovers.
  • Does Re-Gifting Make You Gifted?
    I don't understand why some people are against re-gifting. It's recycling merchandise without recycling money.
  • Are You Running On Automatic?
    On vacation one day rolls into the next and I forget what day it is. Not it's happening when I'm not on vacation. Unfortunately, the days aren't rolling by. They are whizzing by. It's like I'm running on automatic, but my breaks don't work.
  • Tempted To Cruise Through Life?
    I love cruises. My husband doesn't. We compromised by going on a small ship cruise. However, our cabin was so small, compromising positions were almost impossible.
  • Who Carries The Beach Umbrella?
    The beach is a sandbox for adults. We bring toys and take home sand in our clothes.
  • What Happened To The Lazy Days Of Summer?
    Is it my imagination or are we too busy to be lazy?
  • Is Seeing Believing On TV?
    Supposedly, you can believe whatever you see with your own eyes. Is this still true when you see it through your TV's big eye?
  • Possessed By Your Possessions?
    Do people who try to save the world also save string?
  • Why Do People Behave Like That?
    Why do people act silly when a video camera is pointing at them. Do they know why?
  • Who Put "U" In Restaurants?
    I go out to eat when I'm too busy to cook. What do people who run restaurants do?
  • What Do You Want In A President?
    The best argument in favor of cloning is our need for a person worthy of being President. Where are George Washington and Abraham Lincoln when we really need them?
  • Are They Being Nosey?
    My grandmother had a name for people who exaggerated or told little, white lies. She called them Pinocchio noses and they're not just in fairy tales.
  • Is The Lesson In Patience Ever Over?
    Life is a lesson in patience. It's not a coincidence that doctors' waiting rooms are for "patients".
  • Can Exercise Be Exorcised?
    I know exercise is healthy. I know it should be part of my daily routine. However, I think a vacation should be a vacation from exercise.
  • Expecting The Unexpected?
    I used to want to scream when we had unexpected guests. Now I'm able to successfully fake a scream of joy when they arrive.
  • Do You Remember Your School Daze?
    "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times". I learned that quote from Dickens' Tale of Two Cities in high school. I thought the quote was about high school.
  • Is Your Lifestyle Stylish?
    From childhood to adulthood, from marriage to career to family - my lifestyle keeps changing styles.
  • Is It Coincidence Marriage Contains The Words I Age?
    The secret to a happy marriage is to realize the for better part usually is and the for worse part is when you should be thinking about the for better part.
  • Is Saying Please Inspirational Motivation?
    During different times in my life I've experienced different inspirational motivations. Now I'm wondering if my alarm clock qualifies as inspirational motivation.

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